The Unconditional Love I Found in Loss
Finding Faith and Unconditional Love Through Loss
In 2017, I faced the loss that scares me the most – the passing of my beloved grandmother, whom I affectionately called "Ammama." This experience profoundly shaped my faith journey and my relationship with Jesus Christ.
My transformation began two years before her passing when I made a life-altering decision to convert from Hinduism to embrace Jesus as my Lord and Savior. This decision marked a significant shift in my worldview, and I truly became a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17).
2 Corinthians 5:17 (NIV) ¹⁷Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!
As a result of my conversion, my relationship with my parents became strained, leading to estrangement. This included being separated from my grandmother, who was the only person to ever love me unconditionally. Ammama played a pivotal role in my early life, especially during my shy and introverted childhood.
She walked me to Kindergarten, prepared my breakfast, packed my lunch, and always asked about my day. Her unwavering love and care gave me a sense of security that I cherished deeply.
Then came the day when I received a call from my alcoholic father, delivering the news that shattered my world. He informed me that Ammama was in the Government Hospital, gravely ill. I rushed to her side and saw life slowly fading from her eyes. Covered in infected bed sores, she could barely move and was in a lot of pain, but she recognized me.
In those precious moments before her passing, I shared the gospel with her, introducing her to Jesus Christ. As if in agreement, she blinked. That encounter was a gift from God, and two days before my 25th birthday, Ammama peacefully passed away.
I took on the responsibilities of her funeral – arranging the casket, inviting relatives, and overseeing the proceedings. My older brother also played a significant role, bonding with me during a challenging time. However, my faith in Christ prevented me from participating in Hindu rituals, which only deepened my sense of loss.
My grandmother was cremated, and I watched her casket enter the incinerator before receiving her ashes. The void left by her loss was profound, for she had been the one person to love me unconditionally, besides my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Ironically, it was Ammama who introduced me to Jesus when I was eight years old.
She handed me a picture of a man with long hair and told me to pray to Him in times of need. In Tamil, she said His name is இயேசு கிறிஸ்து (pronounced as "Yesu Kiristu"). Little did I know that this seed of faith she planted would take root in my heart, leading to a personal encounter with Jesus at the age of 23.
Today, I remain estranged from my parents and sister due to my Christian faith. My relationship remains lukewarm with my older brother. While they struggle to accept my beliefs, I have unwaveringly chosen Jesus, for He is the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6).
John 14:6 (NIV) | ⁶Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
Jesus gave my life purpose and delivered me from my own demons. He consistently assures me that I am His son, and He is my Father. I find solace in knowing that one day, I will be reunited with my Ammama in Heaven. All it took was her acceptance of Jesus on her deathbed.
Death no longer holds fear for me, for I understand that to live is Christ, and to die is gain (Philippians 1:21).
Philippians 1:21 (NIV) ²¹For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.
In sharing this story, I hope to inspire and remind others of the incredible transformation and love that can be found even in the midst of loss. Our faith in Jesus offers hope, even in our darkest moments.
May Ammama's legacy of love and faith continue to shine brightly in my heart, and may her acceptance of Jesus be a testament to the power of God's grace and love.