From Turmoil to Tranquility: A Late-in-Life Christian’s Faith Journey
Discovering God’s Guiding Hand Amidst Chaos
‘I grew up in the 1950s in a comfortable upper-middle-class home in Boston, in the northeastern U.S. My parents sent me to elite private schools, convinced that great things were in store for me. I just didn’t know how great or how long it would take me to find them. In a Christian boarding school, at the age of 13, I first heard the gospel. Though I didn’t believe then, God was at work in my life.
Outwardly proud, an exemplary scholar, I felt a secret longing for something beyond fame, wealth, and worldly accomplishment. Though at the time I couldn’t put a name to what I yearned for, I now know it was Christ. Austere daily chapel services did not show me the path to him. From sermons and prayers, I knew the Holy Spirit only as a remote, ghostly presence, not a comforter, consoler, and teacher who is at work in our hearts (John 14:26).
John 14:26 (NIV) ²⁶But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.
In college, my spiritual yearning found a new and dangerous focus: a passion for justice and the delusory hope of a perfect society. It was the era of the U.S.-Vietnam War. I joined a communist front organization, Students for a Democratic Society, bent on ending war, destroying capitalism, and ushering in a society without wealth, exploitation, or privilege.
For five long, angry years, I marched, protested, shouted down professors and bureaucrats, and made my parents’ lives miserable. Unlovable as I was during that turbulent era, the Lord in his goodness and mercy did not abandon me. Little by little, he opened my eyes to the fallacies of Marxist doctrine, to the corruption in the hearts of my comrades, and to the pervasive reality of human degradation and sin.
At age 24, I broke from the radical movement and began a career as an elementary school teacher, but here, too, I was frustrated. Schools don’t transform lives, and the lives of some of the children I taught were in dire need of transformation. Education is good, but it is not the ultimate good.
Deflated and discouraged, I tried to make sense of all I had witnessed: turmoil, deception, human misery, the broken lives of my students. But the memories were too fresh. Revisiting them, I was blinded by anger, fear, and frustration. The Lord had sent me signs and tokens of his care and love, but I was blind to them.
In my mid-thirties, I gave up trying to understand my turbulent past. I buried the memories and moved on with my life. I taught college, got married, had children. Yet, determined as I was to chart a new path for my life, the Lord had his eye on me, and it was his direction I unknowingly followed (Proverbs 16:9).
Proverbs 16:9 (NIV) ⁹In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.
With the responsibility for children came a deep conviction that I was accountable, but I did not know to whom. In graduate school, studying with the Christian philosopher William Alston, I found the answer: to God. We can defy or outwit human law. We can sever ties to family and friends. But we cannot evade God. Without him, there is no moral compass.
I knew God must exist, but several years passed before I reached out to him. In my first year as an assistant professor, an ill-conceived assignment provoked a student revolt in my classes. My email inbox filled up with complaints. At a loss for how to dig myself out of this hole, I prayed in despair. Within seconds, the plan for what I must do appeared to me in vivid and minute detail. When I executed the plan, the students’ anger was transformed into relief and gratitude. Never before had any task I put my hand to gone so smoothly or turned out so well.
For the next 13 years, I prayed daily. My career flourished. I had a pipeline to the Almighty, but I still did not know Christ. I did not go to church. I did not read the Bible. To avoid conflict with my atheist wife, I prayed in secret and sang hymns of praise as I walked to work.
Though I did not know Christ, he knew me. Another crisis at work opened the floodgates. Memories of my turbulent past thundered through my brain. When fear, anger, and grief died down, I realized I needed to sort through those memories. When I did, I saw something I hadn’t noticed before. Pinpoints of light. Moments of grace. Signs that someone watched over, loved, forgave, and protected me. One night, as I lay awake in the dark pondering those awful times, a small voice spoke to me from the borders of consciousness. “Put down your burden. Come with me. I will show you things you have never seen before.” It was a gentle voice, a voice of love, hope, and infinite patience. Could it be Jesus?
Like the Bereans, I hesitated to believe (Acts 17:10-13). I consulted Scripture. I read the Bible cover to cover. The message fit. The Lord had a plan for my life. The small voice and the pinpoints of light in the dark journey that led to that night bore witness to his patience, goodness, and glory. In July 2021, at the age of 72, I committed my life to him and was baptized.
Acts 17:10-13 (NIV) In Berea ¹⁰As soon as it was night, the believers sent Paul and Silas away to Berea. On arriving there, they went to the Jewish synagogue. ¹¹Now the Berean Jews were of more noble character than those in Thessalonica, for they received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true. ¹²As a result, many of them believed, as did also a number of prominent Greek women and many Greek men. ¹³But when the Jews in Thessalonica learned that Paul was preaching the word of God at Berea, some of them went there too, agitating the crowds and stirring them up.
Whoever reads this, don’t tarry in doubt, as I did. Have the courage to pray—earnestly. When the Lord answers, give thanks. Read scripture, the record of God’s plan for the world and for each of our lives. Look back over your life and identify those pinpoints of light that show how much He loves you. Whatever else you do, don't delay. Jesus will come back to summon those who believe in him. No one knows when. Let everyone who takes time to read through this testimony be ready.’
Follow Charles on X: @LinLChristian, #FaithJourney
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